Time For Some Perspective

Here's how I can sum up my life from the past year or so: Work, run to sports, work, bake a cake, work, sports, work, clean, bake a cake, work, bake a cake, work, bake a cake, meeting, sports, work, sports, work, meeting, meeting, meeting, sports, sports, sports, work on stuff for meetings and so on.  What is missing? There are two very important things that are missing.  My FAMILY and GOD.  So, over the last month or so, I have found myself in a place where work was consuming me.  I was unhappy, stressed, trying to do what I needed to succeed, squeezing in cake decorating, meetings for committees I was on.  My twins were gone to their dad's for seven weeks.  It was my husband, our three year old and myself.  The house, as always, felt empty.  A piece of my heart was gone and the rest of it was so stressed that I had anxiety pains and attacks happening.  I found myself thinking about how this is not what God had planned for us to be like.  I remembered that a gal I worked with, let's call her Rosie, had said that the Bible stated that your priorities should be; God, Family, Work.  In that order.  I had been doing it in reverse.  I felt like I was suffocating.  Thoughts kept swirling through my mind.  The twins are 10, Gavin is turning 3, I have worked at the same company for 10 years, been married for almost 4, gone from barely making it to being able to pay our bills and in the mean time, I have picked up more and more stuff.  I was becoming the person who couldn't tell others "No", but had a major problem with always saying "No" when it came to family stuff.  We "didn't have time" for church.  We were just too busy.  And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!" It hit me in the shower of all places, and at the same time a calm hit me too.  God has a plan for all of us, I need to let go of always trying to be in control and and worrying that I have the perfect house and I am able to balance a million different things at once.  NONE of that matters.  When my kids look back at their lives when they were small, I don't want them to think "Mom was there for the sports, but she was never there at home. She was always trying to help someone else. Never me."  No.  That's not the mom I want to be.  That's not the mom I want my daughter to be.

I want my kids to look back and think:

• I'm glad we went to church and learned about God and what he wants for us and out of us. (I didn't have that...as a matter of fact, I feel really stupid when I talk to people b/c I don't know what any of the books in the Bible are about.  That's not right."
• I'm glad that my mom and step-dad always told me how much they loved me and that they took me to my practices and were there to cheer me on.
• We had so much fun as a family, I want my kids to do the same.
• I want to be successful, but not at the sacrifice of my family.
• I am so thankful they taught me how to handle money properly.
• I want to help others, the same way my mom and step-dad did, as a family.
• I want my kids to have the same kind of memories and parents that I did.

So, how do I achieve this?  Well, for starters....(I like bullet points)

• Start saying no, and if I can't say no, I need to be able to include the whole family or it doesn't happen.  
• Clear out the crap.  We have this thought process that we NEED all of this STUFF. When I die, are my kids going to keep the stuff? NO.  They are going to keep the family items like: pictures, keep sakes, etc.  They aren't going to keep the box of rags. They aren't going to keep the pile of crap dishes that not even I use.  They are not going to keep all the utensils that do nothing.
• What can't be cleared out, like pictures...oh, so many pictures, make a home for them.  The pile of pallets that I drug home from work to make that nifty garden that turned out to be a pain in the ass...use them!  Make a damn shelf and paint it or stain it and put the things that really matter on there...not in freaking totes waiting for a photo album.  
• Have a list.  I have noticed that since I have taken on so much, my mind has become cluttered.  I forget stuff.  So...have list, clear mind. Simple.
• MAKE time for the family and myself.
• Remind myself that while I love my job, some days it really sucks, and that those too shall pass.
• Tithe and go to church. Listen to God's word.  Get involved in the church...AS A FAMILY! 
• Be present.

So, as we prepare to make the seven hour drive to meet my ex half way and pick-up the twins and put that piece of my heart back in my chest that has been gone, I am going to grab the STUFF that I can take care of while we travel and get it out of the way.  Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover Lessons and the books, and the receipts that my mom wants me to record.  I'm going to get those done so that I don't have to worry about it any more.

When we get home, Faith and Austin (aka The twins), Matt (aka Husband) and Gavin (aka The one that will take me out) can help me do our family scrapbook for vacation.  WE can sit down and pick out the pictures. WE can go for walks. WE can sit at the table and share our day. WE can spend time together- As a family.

So, the things that I have stressed about are not stress anymore.  God has plans.  I wake up on time...most days, and I try to drive the speed limit.  I talk to God and admire the sky, not curse at it b/c its raining when I don't want it to or its cold or windy.  I admire the amazing thing that is Mother Nature.  Its beautiful...no matter the conditions.  I find time to sit down and spend it with my family and my husband. I find time for family and friends...not stuff.